I find the older you get the less you (and others) care about your birthday.
I don't saw that to be bitter. In fact, I really don't mind. It's just the way things go.
I remember for my 40th when everyone (including my family) was out of town and I celebrated it with 2 friends by going out to eat. I didn't even tell them it was my birthday and they never knew. It was actually comical to me.
Have a good regular Monday folks!
I graduated college in 3 years. And it wasn't because I was smart....it was because I was sly.
I found a loophole in the rules that didn't prohibit me from taking a major and a minor that lined up exactly to where every class I took for Relegion ALSO counted towards my major History.
My last semester when the school discovered this, they went nuts. They tried to do something to keep me in school another year but I pointed out that their rules didn't object to what I'd done and they must submit to their own laws.
Once I graduated, they eliminate the minor from the school and changed the law to saw that only a total of 25% of classes would be allowed to count double as a major and minor.
Quite proud I made a lasting impression on the school during my last semester.
Have a great weekend folks!
I was the only guy in the class.
So when our first test came, it was a tournament. I was squared off against a girl. Because I wouldn't hit her back, I lost. The teacher understood the dilemma and moved me to his actually school karate team.
There I was able to spare off with other boys on the team. It was fun.
The team went on that year to win the championship that year. When the local school newspaper came in to do a piece on them during the next practice after their win, I was there with them. I didn't pose with them for the team photo since I wasn't part of the team but I did take a quick picture with a buddy of mine from the team holding the trophy. It was him and I putting up a fist with each of us holding half of the trophy with our other hand. It was meant to be a personal photo for me.
But the newspaper saw it, loved it. Took a picture of it also....and decided to make that pic the cover of the story.
I was told by the teacher that it may be best to finish the semester away from the team (some of whom I heard were livid with me over it)
I ended the class, not even taking a final but receiving an "A" none the less.
Supposedly, our class was so good the teacher recommended the class for "Class of the Year" and a film crew came in to do a piece on us.
There was one problem. During class, I usually sat in the back and read comic books the whole time.
So when the cameras were set up, I had to find a seat where they couldn't see me reading comics. (not like I was smart enough to let this stop me from goofing off in class mind you)
Well halfway thru the class, they switched the camera positions without me noticing and had a straight recording of me sitting in the back reading comics. I remember looking up straight into the lens too....slowly packing my comics back into my bag.
The teacher had also told the crew that I was one of her shining students. (to make it worse) So afterwards they interviewed me and (of course) the question came up about the comics.
I just smiled and said "Why not?"
This was NLU for you after all. Their motto should have been exactly those words.
During one test I noticed the question was from a class I didn't attend due to my car breaking down that day. So I wrote "This question is unfair because it happened the one day I was unable to attend class"
I fully expected to get zero points for the answer and was just joking. When my grade came in I had a 75% and that answer I'd put down had (in red ink) SEE ME AFTER CLASS.
I thought the teacher was furious with me. Turns out, he checked the roster and noticed I indeed wasn't in class that day so he agreed with me and said he's give me another question next week to supplement my score with.
What was more amazing is that he never got around to giving me that "bonus" questions and ended up giving me an "A" for the class later on.
Seriously, college was that easy back in the day.
I remember I never had to study for a single test it was so simple. In fact, there was one class I never even attended and STILL made an "A"
How did I get away without attending a single class? Well, this teacher was odd in the way he took roll. Instead of calling from a sheet he had you write your name on a piece of paper and turn it in at the end of class. So what I'd do is just come in at the end of class and hand it to him. He never knew.
The class (like him) was a complete joke.
Yet another elected official in a long line of Democrats, to show how hypocritical they really are.
During dinner a Spanish monk and I had started up a conversation. But halfway into it, he'd lost me in the conversation and I couldn't understand what he was asking me.
After what felt like forever the frustrated monk broke out into English "I'm asking if you're studying to a lawyer! The word is "lawyer"
Getting a monk frustrated with me so much that he broke the no English rules the teacher thought was hilarious. I saw him 2 years ago and the professor told me he still tells stories about me to his class all the time.
Glad I was able to make an impression on someone while I was there.
Have a good weekend folks!
Around the time finals came, I got caught doing the same thing. Enjoying a game of bowling, I quickly realized I'd missed my final exam. I ran to the classroom towards the end and lied to the teacher telling him my car had died.
When the class left I ended up telling him the truth. He laughed and let me stay that next hour taking the test. I guess he appreciated my honestly and the irony that he'd told me about doing the same exact thing when he was young.
He was my favorite professor at the school. He passed away over a decade ago but I'll never forget his classes.
But the best one came from 2 other guys in our class. Once of them was a member of the ROTC and he decided to repel down the 3 story building unknowingly from the class. The teacher gave him an F.
But the best one came from a kid whose Dad owned a boa constrictor snake which he brought to class hidden in a huge duffle bag. When he brought it out, everyone fled to the back of the room except me who was too dumb to realize it a real snake at first. But when I was the only one still in his chair (sitting up front) I felt it looked so cool that I had to maintain the image.
I was scared to death. And that snake kept slithering out of his hands and up to my feet. After all was said and done, I didn't get attacked from the snake, the kid got an F and for one moment, I was considered the most fearless kid in class....at least, that's what I thought.
The girl who went before me told a said story about being raised by her grandmother and divorced parents. I went up right after her and said I was more fortunate not to be raised in an unfunctional family.
The girl took offense by this comment (though none was intended) and the teacher gave me an F.
I then was given the chance to do an apology speech the next class to get an A for my first speech.
So I got up and apologized. The girl stood up and said "THANK YOU. Because I was happy growing up with my grandmother and my parents were happy living apart from eachother!!"
Being a little hostel at me, ruffled my feathers so I responded. "So if you lived with your grandmother and your parents lived in different towns....that's not really the definition of a functional family wouldn't you agree?"
I was told by the teacher to sit down and had an F to start the semester off with.
It was a great year.
She had her friend sit in and collect the tests while she left for the day. It was so unprofessional I couldn't stand it. So I signed my name to the test without answering a single question, walked up in front of the class, slammed my blank test down and said to the class "If she's not going to take the time to be with this class, I'm not taking the time to take this test!"
All at once the entire class agreed with me and the stand in had a student revolt on her hands. She begged the class to sit back down and take the test. When we didn't, she threatened to get the dean.
"Get the dean!" I declared. "We'll tell him the same thing!"
While she left to go get him, I decided the class was pretty much stirred up enough to stand up to the dean on their own so I went to lunch.
After I left, the dean came in, ordered everyone to sit down and take the test....and the entire class caved in and did it but me.
I ended up getting a 0 on the test and the ire of the grad assistant for the rest of the semester. In true fashion I came to her at the end and begged forgiveness, asking for a chance to raise my score from a 70.
Because I'd made A's in the last two test afterwards she agreed to give me a chance and write an essay for a B. I agreed and went to writing about the white tiger.
Problem was, I knew nothing about the white tiger nor did I care to write an essay. So instead I wrote one informative page and made up the rest thinking she wouldn't read past page one.
She did and I ended up with a well deserved C for that year.
(people not getting vaccine)
CDC now: People who get vaccinated don't have to wear masks anymore!
How much more obvious do they have to make it that they're just making things up as they go along.
Once I had a remedial math class I had to attend where the teacher couldn't speak good English and I had trouble understanding him.
Back then the "class" was more of a study room where you'd take a test at the end to see if you passed.
Well I was so mad at him not making sense one day I yelled "NO! You go back to English 101, learn my language THEN you teach me math!"
I stormed out and instantly regretted the outburst. Afterwards I had to hire a tutor to help me pass the test, which I eventually did at the end of the semester. Where I also apologized for my outburst later.
Have a good weekend folks!
Everyone knows from my early YouTube videos that one thing I did for years was prank the college campus at the first of every semester. This started my senior year and continued on for a few years after. Mainly I just went into a room dressed up with a suitcase and pretended to be a grad student who made it into the wrong class.
I'd come in, greet the class, tell them to turn to page 8 in their book and write on the chalkboard "Pig Latin 101"
Then I'd stopped, look around and announce that I was in the wrong classroom and should be a level up.
Stupid. But fun. My better ones are still on YouTube to watch.
At first Jeremy and I were separated. But after Dad alerted them of the issue they asked us which team we wanted to be placed on. I wanted my team because I could tell it was WAY better than the other.
But we ended up on the team of losers and lost EVERY game that season....bad.
But one game in particular was a highlight for the season for me when I ball got tipped up in the air while I was playing defense and I caught it in the middle of the opposing team. No one seemed to understand it was an interception but me.
Scared to death I told the other players I was going to give the ball to the ref. I just needed an excuse to pass through them. When I made it through I broke out into a run before they knew what had happened. The other coach was yelling at his team to get me and I ran for my life as they chased me down the field.
I scored a touchdown and my whole body was shaking afterwards from the fear of being tackled by someone.
Funny thing was, my coach never saw the play until after the season ended. At a year end party at his house he was watching film from the games and called me into the room.
"Matt" he said "Did you know you intercepted a ball and ran it in for a touchdown?!"
"Yes" I replied. "You didn't?"
Guess that shows how memorable my performance was for the season.
Because I was 18 they wanted me as catcher (young knees) but when they found out I was left handed, they made me pitcher. (young arm)
We were the worst team in the league thanks to my arm.
In the tournament, we played the #1 undefeated team for that year. The score was amazingly 4-0. We were winning with one inning left to go. My secret was the 60 mph high ball I'd throw at chest level but they continued to swing at.
It led to either a pop out, strike out or base hit blooper. That strategy protected us from them ever scoring. But in the last inning my arm was tired and my pitches started to drop at a beautiful 40 mph fastball which they launched over the wall.....6 times in a row.
I was humiliated at my poor performance. But in the bottom of the 9th 4-5 we had a lead off runner at 2nd with no outs. My coach promised if it went extra innings he'd take me out of the game. I was hopeful we could pull this off.
Then we got two back to back outs and our worst hitter came to the plate...me.
I'd hit a few measly singles that season but overall sucked. After a long at bat I swung at a low ball and launched it into the air. Throwing my bat down in disgust, I angrily ran to first....then I heard a cheer from the crowd.
Not knowing what happened I took off to second as fast as I could to get in scoring position but when I didn't see Secondbase lining up for a catch, I ran on to third as fast as I could.
I saw my team running out of the dugout but I still didn't know what was going on in the outfield. I was screaming at my coach to tell me where the ball was but he didn't respond. So I turned around and saw the rightfeilder just sitting out there in the field. My first thought was that he'd hurt himself and centerfield had to come over there to get the ball.
When I hit thirdbase I discovered the truth. I'd hit a homerun.
I never knew. And I'd taken off around the bases like a moron. My run/walk to home plate was in confusion and disbelief. I kept asking my team "Did I hit it over the fence?!"
I still have that ball today. I wrote "Homerun Ball #1" as if I was going to be hitting them from here on out and needed to number them.
I never hit a homerun ever again in city league play.
To ensure we didn't get out again, the coach wedged a stick in the latch to keep us in, so what we decided to do was rattle the cage and go nuts.
Then, the last strike was thrown, the game was over...and we tore the entire front fence of the dugout down.
We came running out on the field like madmen celebrating. The umpires were furious. They told the coach if he didn't fix the dugout he'd have to pay to get it fixed. Our coach went out to his truck, brought out some chicken wire and used it to tie the fence back on.
31 years later and you can still see the wonky fence kept together with chicken wire. I can't believe it's still standing after all this time.
I formed a team for intramural play and we entered a tournament. We were good. All of us. I built the perfect team.
But in one game we played, the judge was obviously friends of the other team and was giving them all the calls....and it was painfully obvious too.
The other team would be in the net and he wouldn't call it. Another time a ball hit the bleachers and he called "in" to give them the go ahead point.
It got so ad at one point that the other judge had to come over and talk to him about his calls. We lost the game and I was so pissed I told him off in the hallway back to the locker room. He was in one of my classes that semester and I remember scaring him so bad that he ended up dropping the class to avoid me.
I must have been more angry than I remembered.
Even better, 3 years later I saw him again at a restaurant. We were at the same birthday party. I decided to be nice and not bring it up but when he did....I saw red and had the argument all over again. Needless to say he left (scared once again at what I would do) while I had everyone at the table look at me like "What was that about?"
I tried telling them of the game in question but was reminded it was 3 years ago and I should let it go.
They were right. But if I ever see him again......
Have a good weekend folks!
Today I thought I'd start a short series to talk about some of my pathetic attempts at sports over the years for you to enjoy....and laugh at me for.
And who wouldn't want a taste of "Papa Smurf's Special Beef Sauce"?! (insert joke here)
I remember I always liked stirring it in rather than eating it off the top. Don't know who thought up this one. It shouldn't have been so popular back in the day but it was....at least with our family!
I know I do these about every two months or so, but my list keeps changing and I thought I'd update it.
