Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Mountain Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt

I have to take a minute and let you go to Amazon today and check out the reviews for this t-shirt. Here's just a few to let you see how hilarious they are: Sample review #1 This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes to him. I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt. Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the 'guns'), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark. Sample review #2 I was surfing the internet while on break looking for a hat and a shirt with wolves on it. Typically most of my online shopping involves trying to find the perfect wolf shirt. I currently have a little over 40 wolf shirts and most of them have seen better days. My glow in the dark set only lasted maybe 50 washes before I had to start using them to clean the gutters and my 67 Ford Pickup. Needless to say I needed a new Thursday shirt and didn't want to buy another I already own. I did a google search and saw this pretty number as a top result on Amazon. "My God", I thought to myself. It looked simply breathtaking. Typically these websites try to fool you with image trickery and such so the wolves always look better online. Then you get the shirt and the wolf is missing an ear or it's not actually howling as shown in the picture. This was not the case. I ordered it last Friday and received it today. I took the day off so I could be home when the shirt came. All of a sudden I heard a loud thud at the door. The excitement grew as I knew it had to be my 3 wolves howling at the moon shirt. I went to the door and the delivery guy passed out at my doorstep. I woke him up and explained his brain malfunction was likely due to the 3 wolves' pheromones likely still left on the shirt from the factory. He looked at me in surprise and said, "How did you find a shirt with 3 wolves on it?" I told him I found it on Amazon and all 3 of them are howling at the Moon. He pulled up his smartphone and purchased it before he even left my front yard. THE UNBOXING I brought the box inside and used my teeth to open it. I was kind of in a rush to see these wolves. Sweet Mother of God was all I could say. This shirt looked better than on the website. This wasn't just a shirt with three wolves howling at the moon. Every wolf looked beautiful in his own way. The white wolf literally caused me to have a panic attack. This was the most glorious shirt I've ever seen. I was going to wash it but I was too anxious to put it on. Once I put the shirt on it felt like I just put on a suit of armor. Those wolves would protect me no matter what. It perfectly complimented my upper chest hair and street goatee. I began weeping when I saw myself in the mirror with it. My final thoughts on this product are that everyone except children and the elderly should own one. I plan on buying 2 more so I can wear one every day of the week. Pros: 3 Beautiful wolves howling at the moon curious musk Cons: May cause heart issues in elderly and young people The white wolf could be larger, possibly copying it to the back of the shirt and filling it.

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